The Happiness of Pursuit
Let me start by addressing the fact that, yes, it's been quite a few months since I’ve blogged or appeared on any other social networks.
I had put myself on a temporary hiatus to work on a few personal things. Looking back on it now, I'm not sure what triggered it, but quite frankly, I had sunken into a bit of a depressive state. Throughout my life, I've come to known periods of sadness, but this was different. I lost the motivation to blog, make videos, take photos, and even Instagram (my favorite!). Slowly, I also stopped going out, I stopped working out, and just spent a lot of time at home. I continued with the bare minimum of going to school and work, and almost nothing else. Sad, I know. (-_-)*
I never could figure out why I was feeling that way, or maybe if it was the typical mid-twenties slump people talk about, but I knew I wanted to do something to make myself happier. It felt like something was missing from my life; a sense of motivation or purpose.
Obviously now, with the presence of this blog post, I’m feeling a lot better. :) As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I owe it all to a book. I was walking through Barnes & Nobles one day (a place I find quite comforting), when I came across “The Happiness of Pursuit: Finding the Quest That Will Bring Purpose to Your Life,” by Chris Guillebeau. The title probably doesn't help the cheesy factor, but honestly, when you felt the way I did, it doesn't matter. At my lowest low, part of my sadness was becauseI felt that the world didn't understand me, that I didn't understand me, but this book did.
"I felt a deep discomfort the life I had been prescribed."
"They had a life that was relatively satisfying, but waiting beyond their comfort zone, was something better."
The idea that knowing that other people in the world had felt what I was feeling was eye opening and refreshing. Guileau's book shares many stories of people he's met around the world, finding a sense of fulfillment through lifelong (and short term) quests. I'm only halfway through the book so far, which also walks you through different ways to discover your own quest, but I feel so much happier already., just knowing what to do now. One of the suggestions is a bucket list. I've put together mine here.
This blog has always been a place for me to share different looks I wear and videos I've made, but it's called "In Jen's Life," after all. I'm excited to start posting looks frequently again, but in addition to that, I want to make this a place to record my personal quest for happiness, and towards creating a better self. That's what a blog was originally for, wasn't it? It was an online diary. I didn't really understand that before, but now I do, and I have a whole new love for blogging.
It's going to be a long journey, but I'm excited to embark on it, and share my experiences with you all. I hope you're doing well, enjoyed this read, and come along with me on this adventure! (You can check out the book here)
What went well in 2014
I've loosened up. I used to live my life in a very black and white way, in the sense that I didn't tolerate drinking, I didn't eat meat (except fish), and everything in my room had be a certain way. This year I started eating meat again and a responsible drink or two. As for my room, it looks a little less obsessive compulsive now, and it feels good.
Improved blog content. Regardless of the year, I'm always trying to improve the quality of what I put out on my blog. I may not have posted as much the second half of this year, but what I did post, I'm proud of it! (Check out one of my favorite posts here)
Great year of travels. I always thought that a family vacation a year was the American Dream. This year I was fortunate to go to Hawaii and California with my family, as well as been selected for an all expense paid trip to Orlando, Florida. I'm truly grate, and I must say, that only fueled my thirst for travel!
Made new friends from all over the U.S. In reference to the all expense paid trip I mentioned above, the American Society of Radiologic Technologist chooses about 60 rad-tech students each year, from all over the U.S., to attend their Student Leadership Development Program each year. This year I was one of the 72 selected and during my week in Orlando, FL, I met some wonderful people and developed some lifelong friendships!
Disneyland. Twice. For awhile, I've made it a mission to go to Disneyland every year, but this year I got to see both Disney World in Florida (here), and Disneyland in California (here). Just thinking about those trips again brings me all smiles! :)
Finished first half of clinicals. This year I spent 8 months at my first clinical site, and while the start was a bit rough, I really got into the swing of things and felt I really connected with all of my clinical instructors. I learned a lot from all of them, from a radiologic standpoint, and a from a life lessons standpoint. I couldn't ask for a better experience.
Resolved my insomnia. I've always had trouble sleeping for as long as I could remember (age 5), and it took me until this year, with 3 doctors visits, to resolve it. It's a wonder what 1/2 a dose of melatonin can do.
I have to admit, when I first faced those two questions, my mind came up with about 20 things that didn't go so well in 2014, and none for things that went well. As I went back and looked my year, I found I had a lot to be thankful for this year. :) Of course, with the things that didn't go so we'll, of course they're hard to share, but here they are.
What didn't go so well in 2014
My depressive slump. I think the thing that stands out to me the most, was the 4-5 months that I just lost motivation for anything and everything, and simply felt depressed. By day, when I was distracted my clinic and school, or work, I was fine. Anytime when I was home, I just felt this deep sadness (which I didn't know why), and I just laid in bed until it as time to sleep. I didn't clean my room, I didn't go out with friends anymore, and I stopped responding to work emails. It was bad, but I got myself out.
I stopped making Youtube videos. I always said, "Once a Youtuber, always a Youtuber." This year though, I've put out the least amount of videos I've ever and frankly, I'm disappointed in myself for that fact. I refuse for 2015 to be like that.
I've been behind on things. Last year I always planned ahead, finished assignments weeks in advanced, and was always well prepared. This year, I'm not sure if it was because of my slump, but I was always just on time with things or barely on time, and I hated it. It's stressful. I rather take the chance of being stressed about getting things done ahead of time, than actually being stressed for when things may not be on time.
Once you've sat down and looked at your year in those two aspects, the next step is to put together a new list of goals from your reflections, for the next year, but I'll leave that for the next post. In the mean time, give it a go yourself!
Love, Jen
P.S. Meet my new dog Lulu! :) Bruce is still very much in the picture, he just has a buddy now. Special thanks to my cousin Donald for the pictures. :P
